Time is so short and fast

So in my last update I had reconnected with my mum who was going through chemotherapy, lost my triplets, Rebecca had started secondary school and Tiegan college.

So much has happened since then, I separated from my husband for 8 months, Tiegan started her childcare course and then was rejected for her second year so is now doing a level 3 apprenticeship in childcare and has been doing week she’s already got a guaranteed permanent job at the nursery where she’s working after she finishes her apprenticeship.

I have taken all the children out of school to home educate them which we are all really enjoying and feel as though we are living life instead of just existing day to day.

I also have some amazing news, just after me and Barry got back together,I fell almost immediately pregnant and after losing 6 babies together we finally have a beautiful baby boy.

It was a rough pregnancy as I had a major heart attack in the November before I fell pregnant as well as a stroke in the February.  Since having him I’ve also suffered heart failure and a minor heart attack.  I am now struggling with many health issues including bone pain throughout my body.  This is being investigated but is suspected neuropathy or rheumatoid arthritis.

I have had to rely a lot on friends and family for help lately.  I have also reconnected with my brother and despite the past, this is going well.   I have had to spend a lot of time using mindfulness to make this possible and it hasn’t been easy.  I have had many demons to battle have felt very raw with a lot of triggers.

I hope my efforts will be worthwhile as I have yearned for a family I did not have for a long time.  Sadly mum died in the January after I reconnected but I have built a strong relationship with my stepdad since.

Unfortunately things with my dad went downhill and we are no longer on talking terms, I am handling this as well as I can however and have managed for the most part to maintain stability.  

Things with my husband are up and down although certainly improving.  I do fear that I will never be able to maintain a normal or at least stable relationship with a man.  I can’t really expand on that as even the thought of the subject upsets me so much.

I really feel I need to repeat dbt therapy and have a strong desire to do so, whether that will happen is to be seen.

I have made some strong friendships through therapy and particularly significant are Hayley and Ann who I feel are very much my chosen family.

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